Job

zie je het staand zitten?
als je me zitten ziet zag ik het niet meer staan.

I'm sitting on a wooden cube, my left foot on a podest, my right leg crosses my left leg. my right arm leans on a chair. 15 people are staring at me. They measure my proportions with knitting pins. Her shoulders are much wider than that. I ever so slightly turn my head downwards a little and check out my shoulders. Inner sigh. I can see the canvas of an older guy right in front of me, the knees are placed right. He scratches his backhead, where his few remaining hairs are bundled into a ponytail. What on earth did he do to my breasts? The right one is quite alright, but the left one is a sad saggy flap of skin. After a few minutes, I feel the fingers of my right hand falling asleep. This is going to hurt. The next guy is a drawing disaster, but he seems to be improving, finally! oh, wait.. my feet are two misshapen chubby lumps on his canvas. No improvement. Apparently, feet are the most difficult parts to draw. In the break, after 45 minutes of immobility, I wander about and check out how the others see and draw me. One of the drawings is really good- until I realize that my face looks like that of a 50 years old woman. A little old, isn't it?, the teacher murmurs next to my ear. Yes, indeed. I quickly pass that woman's canvas who drew me from behind. No comment on her depiction of my backside. (or do I really look like this? I continue eating my chocolate bar. sugar is necessary.)
The teacher gives his students a sign, that the lesson resumes. Once again I have to drop my bathrobe, take place on the podium and sit still. 30 eyes staring at me. At times coming closer, real close, to check out my knuckels. There is good music, Tchaikovsky, oldies, balkan, Portishead, swing. Suddenly I get happy, inexplicably happy. I just sit and breathe, I am. Naked happiness. This is one of the things I really enjoy about my work, you just have to be. nothing more. But you are forced to be. You can't run away and distract yourself with anything, only with glimpses of yourself which the canvases encircling you show.
Three hours later, the lesson is over. While most of the people are already packing, sprayfixing my lumpy legs and alien ears, rolling up my saggy breasts, I still sit. Waiting for the last people to finish. Those who are not very talented leave my face blank and my limbs unfooted and unhanded. But everyone of them drew my single curl.

Love, M

chestnut cocooning

Dear S.,

it's chestnut season! Last sunday we went into a nice park in Borgerhout and stumbled over hundreds of gorgeous shimmering brown chestnuts.
I know that you love them so much :)
As a child, I used to go outside and collect them with my mum and friends to construct little wood figures, with beechnuts (Bucheckern) and acorns (Eicheln). We rarely have the tame sort of chestnuts in woods with us at home, so I do not know the tradition of cooking with them myself, but I do remember them from christmas markets. So, it was a very first time for me to prepare chestnuts. I loved them! We simply roasted them in a pan for about 20 mins. mmmh, such cosy food!
But first, some forest impressions:



(nuts in chest? is that why they are called like this?)



leavesnutschestsleavesnuts!




be-au-ti-ful. When I saw these empty chestnut covers, a rather special german word came to my mind: sich einigeln. The term comes from the thing a hedgehog (Igel) does when it is scared or wants to sleep, it rolls up into a tight ball with all its spines (Stachel) pointing outwards. You use sich einigeln to say that someone closes oneself off from a conrontation/the outside world. Funnily enough it is translated with "to cocoon", which has a rather positive connotation for many people. For me, sich einigeln certainly has a positive connotation as well: what a good idea to protect yourself against autumn/winterness by rolling up like a hedgehog or sit as comfortably as a chestnut in its shell. But don't forget to open the door for friends and all that.
So, that was a lot of bla. now you deserve another picture ;)




This huge heart with the universal love message is carved into a tree in the park.
And here comes the eating part:




I also made chestnut-rum-chocolate pralines, here they are:




They were a lot of work (cook chestnuts, open them, peel them, mash them, rum/cacao/sugar them, form into little balls, glace with chocolate, chill.), and for my personal taste they are too chestnutty.

Oh well, I'll try to work for uni now. or read the paper. or knit.
This week I had an interesting talk with an old friend of mine about "Autumness". Every year when it strucks me, I try to fight it off and have the tendency to get all upset about it. Instead, my friend suggested, it is a better idea to just accept it. Embrace the fact that I get a little slower in autumn, that I need more time for cocooning, mich einigeln, and so on. This sounds good. I'll try. Not to be perfect but to just be autumn me.

Much love,

M.

Von Nähkästchen usw.

Dear S.,

back in Antwerp, both of us. Good. Good to have you here.
The last 4 days were so immensly turbulent and it really struck me now that I am in my masters too. It is so interesting and intense, but also such a difference to bachelor studies. hard. 2nd thing that struck me: autumn. As you said today, you only notice the change of the seasons when you travel outside the city. The only difference here is that it's grey and colder.. the heating is on.

I really like your new atelier, and I do envy you, I want such a room too! Unfortunately literature students are not considered worthy of their own atelier.
I do have a working spot at home though that I really like, here it is:




This crappy old table includes garden view and a kitteh that decided to make it its own. Always when I sit down and work on my table Charlie goes to sleep on her blanket on the table. Once in a while she bites my books, tries to drink my water or catches my pen. (when she noticed I was taking a photo she was embarrased to be on it asleep and started a whole show. she is currently searching for a kitty boyfriend, you know).
What else is on there: cheap purple plastic flowers from my mum, a part of the art-wall in our kitchen, my beloved Ikea lamp, crafting projects, books. and a reflection of our brick wall. I really should stop taking photo's at night :)

Writing this and taking a closer look at it, I really notice that I should take more care of my working spot.

A few weeks ago a got a great Charleston-inspired H&M dress as a present. I love its softsoft rosy color, and I really wanted to wear it for my brother's prom ball. So I collected all kinds of accessories to complete the outfit:



The shoes were a real bargain, I found them in Austria for 8 euros. The long pearl neclace comes from a flea market, the pearl bracelet is a heritage from my aunt. what I still needed was a fitting bag- so I made one. The broche is also a DIY thingie.

And here another random photo, because it fits the colours of the dress pic:
Charlie having herself a little tea-party with the beautiful tiny rose service we found at the second hand shop.



My dear, there is an old saying that claims that the state of a girl's sewing box reflects her state of mind("wie es im Nähkästchen eines Mädchens aussieht so sieht's auch in ihrem Herzen aus" or something like that). I always found this saying true for my own room, and now it is true for this entry and myself. I'll borrow the words of Virgina Woolf to end now and explicate my state, kind of. It is a little dramatic, I am aware of that ;)

My own brain is to me the most unaccountable of machinery - always buzzing, humming, soaring roaring diving, and then buried in mud. And why? What's this passion for?

Love,

M.

blear blab-blare.

Dear S.,

1. I really like your skirt, it turned out so well! and the high shoes too! your legs look really good in both of them ;)
2. I am extremely sad about what happened at the Loveparade in Duisburg this weekend. how could this tragedy have happened? I can't get it out of my head.
3. The words in the title really mean something
4. My day in a short (or maybe not so short) sketch:
   

8.03: alarm-clock... aaah I'll get up in just a min.
8.21: "Get uuuup"(Mama's slightly stressed voice). A cuppa Twinings' "Prince of Wales" to brace myself for church.

9.11: preaching of "bitten und beten". checking out the interesting construction an elderly man sitting in front of me made with his few resting hairs on his head; you know the way they like to comb them all on one side to make them cover their baldness... I tried to find a picture on google, unseccesfully. (wth I am all doing at 2.30 in the morning.) discovering a new species of spider that perfectly adapts to the color of the singing book covers.

afterwards, we went to my Grandma. She is one of the funniest old people I know, her spirit and her face are so youthfull! She thaught me how to make Marillenknödel mit Topfenteig- apricot and fresh cheese dumplings. And the best trick to replace the stone of the fruit with a piece of sugar: just use the stick of a wooden spoon /Kochlöffel to push it out. SO easy. (dough: 200-300g of fresh cheese (kwark), 50g flour, 50g breadcrums, a pinch of salt; blend those well, take a little bit of the dough and push it flat between your hands (make your hands wet before, it helps). then take the apricot, put it on the dough, cover it carefully. cook. sugar. noms. at least I hope they were yummy, I didn't eventually try them myself. My bossy cousin (who is a forrest ranger) got them. all. but when I saw that my grandma started to cook something non-meaty my enthusiasm took over and I had to stick my nose and hands into her business)

then: home. convince my family to have some kohlrabi in cream with their Schnitzel. eat. I had baked cheese, so nice! Then I repaired mum's sewing machine together with my dad. Took 2 hrs. Ironed to help mum, 'cause she is in pre-vacation-leaving stress. family-similarity? CHECK. (my last post). Ate some nice stuff I baked yesterday. Took my other grandma (who is ridiculously proud (WHY omg?) of only weighing 38kg.. she's really weak and can't eat well... strange woman, but lovely too) for a grand tour in our/her garden. Helped her with weeding (= Unkraut jäten... schraal), collected some flowerseeds to take to Antwerp. Sewed some pants up for mum. ate. more tea. and then: staring. at multiple media. and disliking that. but being stuck. I'm pretty sure most people who will read this know what I am talking about, don't you? why are you still here? ;)

(oh well. I feel rather cynical. I need some relaxation, but at the same time I don't want to stop being busy and all)

where was I.. yes:

4. yesterday my dear friend M. came by. We decided to have some traditional English Tea and baked Scones. It was such a perfect evening, too bad you couldn't join us!

And then there also were these:



my usual lemon-cakes. In an awkward model position. M. and I had tried to photograph them beautifully but it was night, so we couldn't take them outside.. and the potplant as a co-star didn't really work it, neither did the prison-shot. So: this is a cut-out piece of a pic.

Ok, originally a wanted to show you the bag I made for E. last week, but as my "short" day-survey got a little out of control and I really need to go to bed now because I want to go to a market tomorrow morning, I will do that tomorrow.

So, 'til soon!

x

PS: since the day I have arrived in Austria, I have found (and pulled out) 9 white hairs... 9! in 3 days! should I be worried?